Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Why Stop With the Neil Diamond References? We'll Do Okay Forever In Blue Jeans

A few weeks ago, I had been complaining to maliavale that my new jeans ($25 on sale, if the Mr. asks) were already loose on me. She asked, "Have you tried a belt?" "Er?"

A belt! Who knew? No, I hadn't even thought of that. I have never worn a belt in my entire life. If a piece of clothing comes with either shoulder pads or a belt, I immediately remove them and chuck them in the garbage. Since I hadn't considered a belt, I had been mentally rearranging my finances so I could get another pair of these jeans in a smaller size. But a belt...a belt could buy me some time. And a belt is snappier than suspenders.

I've never really seen cause for a belt before. Silly me, I thought they were mostly decorative. Since I don't tuck shirts in ever, why would I need one to show off? And if we're talking belts to hold pants up, well, I've always had plenty of hip to keep them from sliding off. But now it's time. I can't keep walking around hiking up my saggy jeans like an old man.

Off I went on Sunday to get me one of these new-fangled belt thingies. For a first effort, I think it went OK. Although it felt like I imagine how it feels when guys who aren't Robert Smith stroll by the makeup racks -- What does this do? Does it matter if it's brown or black? (I opted for brown.) Why are there so damn many? (No, seriously. I just want a belt. Help!) Does it matter if I get a plain or a fancy one? (I opted for mostly plain, with some rose-y looking pattern on it.) Should I get one with a giant buckle and have my initials engraved on it? (No.) What size do I get? And that's where I ran into the most trouble. I bought one that was a bit too big. Rookie mistake, I'm sure. It's already on the last loop.

The only problem I've run into is that it slows me down on my trips to the bathroom, and by now y'all know how much I have to go pee, and time is of the essence. Because I'm classy, I usually start undoing my pants before I'm even in the bathroom, but now I've got to start even earlier because of this belt.

But that's OK. It's better than having my pants wind up around my ankles when I least expect it.