Monday, October 10, 2005

After This One Post, I Will Put a Moratorium On This

OK, so after I write this post, y'all are going to be like, "God, please, shut up about the gym. You live at the gym. We get it."

What's really funny, though, is that I'm totally lazy. The gym is often the extent of my physical activity for the day. I've been known to park myself in front of the computer or TV for the better part of an afternoon because, hey, I worked out this morning! Step off!

So, back to my point. There's this guy who gets to the gym around 11:30 every day, which is around the last 1/3rd of my workout. Today I got to the gym a little early, so I was hopping off just as he was getting started.

And let me tell you: He smells so bad. No. That wasn't emphatic enough. Allow me to use all the tools I have at my disposal for a more fitting amount of emphasis: SO INCREDIBLY BAD.

I've smelled all the smells you can smell at the gym: the musty odor from the guy who left his clothes in the washer for a week before popping them in the dryer; body odor; bad breath. It's not pleasant, but it's tolerable. It's a gym, people sweat, it happens. I'm not claiming to smell like gardenias when I work out.

But this guy. Man. He smells like he's in the World Series and he doesn't want to wash his socks because it would be bad luck. Except, this is the World Series that took place in 1908, and it would also be bad luck to shower or maintain any semblance of personal hygeine.

It's so bad that when I see him coming, I cover my nose and mouth with a towel. He usually hops on the elliptical trainer two down from me. I can't move to another machine, because the machine I'm usually on is the only one of its kind in the cardio area at the moment.

So, what I'm wondering is: Would it be bad if, when someone walks by me, I held my nose, made an exaggerated "P.U.!" waving motion with my hand, and then gestured toward the smelly guy?

Just to let people know I'm not the one stinking up the joint. That would be OK, right?