Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The Girl Who Cried "This Bug Is Huge"

I'm being held hostage in my house right now.

I got up at 8 to eat breakfast and go to the gym before heading to Weight Watchers (where I am NOT weighing in because I don't even want to know the extent of the damage I did this week). I stepped onto the porch, and there it was: a giant-ass bee, hovering right in front of me, looking like she's got some vendetta and now at last we meet. I turned and ran back inside and looked out the window. She was just sitting there on the mat, her stinger with presumably my name on it twitching back and forth.

So, I turned on the TV and watched Up Close & Personal while I waited for her to leave. It's been 45 minutes, and she's still just sitting there. And now I'm not only pissed because the gym is out until this afternoon, but I've got "Because You Loved Me" stuck in my head. That is an unpardonable offense, you stupid freaking bee.

I pondered getting the bug spray and just going nuts on it, but what if it's the queen, and she sends out special high-powered bee signals to the rest of the herd, and they all convene on my house to kill me? She's huge. I know I always say every bug is huge, but I'm serious this time. Isn't the queen bigger than average? I also thought the queen never left the nest, and instead ordered her minions to do her bidding while polishing her stinger. Maybe she hates me that much, that she wanted to kill me herself.

I'm now devising an alternate escape plan. I hope none of my neighbors see me slinking out the back yard, through the alley and around to my car. No, that isn't ridiculous at all.

UPDATE: I decided to go and take a nap, and she appears to have given up. For now. Also, I'm wondering if it wasn't a wasp. I don't really study these things, but are there any bug geeks who can tell me if it's possible for wasps to resemble bees?