Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Those Popables Are Just Silly, Don't You Think?

I'm very PMSy right now. On Sunday, I considered getting a giant bag of peanut butter M&Ms and letting that suffice as my food for the day. That's pretty much a sure sign. Thankfully, I thought better of it and resisted. On Monday, I didn't have any money in my wallet, otherwise I would have bought out all the vending machines. Avoiding the temptation was a cinch.

Today started off well. Got up, had what Malia Vale calls my Breakfast of Champions (salty, buttery oatmeal and coffee), went to the gym and Home Depot. I needed some soda, so I stopped off at the grocery store. And that, my friends, is when it all went to hell. I stood in the candy aisle for probably 10 minutes considering all my options: dark or milk chocolate? Pure chocolate, or something cut with nuts or caramel? I just know the butchers were laughing at me, especially since I was still in my gym clothes. Next time, I'll be sure flip them off. Then I thought, cookies! Yeah! I sprinted over to the cookie aisle and dumped a big bag of chocolate Oreos in my basket. Chocolate and cookie and fun to eat. Everybody's happy. By everybody, I mean the multiple personalities that emerge in me at this time every 3 weeks.

Then I went to check out. Three 2 liters of diet soda and a mess of Oreos. Like it's not obvious what I'm up to. And that's when I saw him: the weird guy at my gym who wears a gold necklace and shaves his legs and head. He was in line ahead of me, using a debit card to pay. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him glance over. He had to have seen the Oreos. Not that I care what Mr. Gold Chain and No Body Hair thinks, but suddenly I felt like a huge fraud. Like I'd just gone to an AA meeting with this guy, where I got up and spoke about how well I was doing and how great sobriety feels, and yet there I am behind him buying Jack Daniels. He didn't say anything, which is to his benefit, because what does he know about PMS and the cravings I've been fighting for two-plus days?! He doesn't know me! Step off, hairless dude!

Ahem.

Anyway, I did not put the cookies back and now I'm feeling kind of ill.

Burp.