Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Leaning on the Horn is Also Fun

From the time I was of legal age to get behind the wheel, I've been hearing, "You're going to get yourself killed doing that one of these days!" What is it that I'm doing? Why, flipping people off, of course.

The way I look at it is, people need to know when they're acting like jerks or being idiots, and I'm just imparting a little knowledge. Most idiots don't know they're thus, so if I'm not going to tell them, who will? Probably a lot of people, but sometimes with these idiots, you really need to hammer the message home.

I have almost gotten killed, actually, but it hasn't stopped me. One time I was on a date in downtown San Jose when I got into a screaming match with this really large guy who could have strangled me with one hand. But he cut me off. Unacceptable! When it became clear that this guy was going to follow me all over the city until he actually did kill me, I did my best getaway. But not before extending the finger once more for good measure. I know, I know. So stupid. I just can't help it. This finger, it has a mind of its own. If it didn't match my other fingers so well, I'd swear it was grafted onto me at birth. I do have some sense, though. You won't find me extending the middle finger in, say, Compton.

When the Mr. and I are out and someone is rude to him, I'm bouncy and breathless as I ask "Can I flip him off!? Can I can I can I? I will! Please let me!" He never lets me, because he doesn't have a death wish. I'm not sure he's ever flipped anyone off while driving, actually, which I know would make his mom very, very proud to know (hello, Susan!).

My mom, however, is probably shaking her head and wondering where it all went wrong and expressing surprise that it hasn't ended badly yet.