Sunday, April 17, 2005

I'm Everywoman

It used to be that whenever I saw someone who resembled someone famous, I would just blurt it out. Who doesn't want to know what celebrity they look like, right? Turns out, a lot of people. And Darren's post the other day only further proves my point. Unless you're going to tell someone that they look like Catherine Zeta-Jones or George Clooney, and even then I'm not so sure because there's always a chance that you'll find the one person who thinks Zeta-Jones and Clooney are hairy trolls, you really should just keep it to yourself.

Once, I told a bartender he looked like Eminem. The fact that I thought Eminem was an attractive, albeit tiny little man, didn't matter. For the rest of the night, I got the stink eye instead of drinks. Another time, some friends and I were at the Stinking Rose, when we couldn't resist the urge to inform our waiter of who he looked like. I don't remember who the celebrity was (and it couldn't have been that bad...I would never tell someone that they look like Sloth from the Goonies), but our previously friendly, jovial waiter turned to an instant asshole.

It was around then that I started rethinking the whole idea. Maybe I should stop. But then, at a blackjack table at the Luxor in Vegas, there was this guy who totally looked like Noah from 90210. It was either him, or his low minimum blackjack playing twin. I asked the Mr., and got a blank face, because that would be forcing him to admit that he had seen 90210. I was on my own with this one. After playing all the various outcomes in my head, I just came out with it. It could not be helped. He took it well, but that could be because he claimed to not know who Noah was. His friend, at least, was helpful and said he knew exactly who Noah was and that he, indeed, was not bad looking. So, there you go. Get their friends on your side, and if they get mad, you can spread the anger around a little bit.

My stepdad was once stopped by some guys at a concert. One of them said, "Hey, man! I know who you are! You're Graham Nash, dude!" Who I guess he does kind of vaguely resemble. My stepdad, being the wonderfully awesome person that he is, said he was indeed Graham Nash, and would they like an autograph? Sure! they said. Later, he told my mom that he thinks he misspelled Graham.

Even the Mr. very startlingly looks like Ron Livingston.

On the flip side, I've never really been told who I resemble. The one time I sought opinions on the matter (in a thread about celeb lookalikes), only one person answered, and she lamely offered Julia Stiles. Nice try, but no, I look nothing like her. I'm not even blonde, for chrissake. The people I do tend to resemble are other, boring everyday people. Kids have mistaken me for their mom. I must hold the world record for hearing, "You remind me of this girl..." or "Are you related to...?" In college, a girl I worked with named Vanessa and I apparently resembled each other so closely that her acquaintances would talk to me, thinking I was her, and vice versa. We didn't see the resemblance, though. But it got to the point that if someone I didn't know struck up a conversation, I would ask "Are you looking for Vanessa?" Usually they were.

I suppose that's what I get for years of unintentionally insulting people.