Friday, March 04, 2005

More Tales from the Land of Ass-Backward Teachers

The entry the other day about my most embarrassing moment and the ensuing shock among some of you reminded me of my other horrific teacher. Don't feel too bad about either of these stories, really. As the Smiths say, I can smile about it now, but at the time it was terrible. The note thing followed me around for pretty much the rest of eighth grade, and then I went to a different high school than most of the people who were in my class that day, where nobody knew Tony. Or about me and my stupid note, for that matter. The slate was wiped clean so it could be filled with all new embarrassments.

Is it just me? Did any of you guys have at least one teacher who seemed better suited to some other line of work, such as lopping the hands off thieves in countries that do that sort of thing? Teachers with gasoline for blood. I swear I have had some of the most purely evil teachers in all of the Teachifying Kingdom.

So, this other bad teacher. Mrs. Berman, third grade. She was hated by kids and parents alike, but there were only two third-grade teachers and they couldn't give all the students to the better of the two. Let's face it, half of the third grade class was going to be superbly unlucky.

It was discovered that I had hearing impairment midway through the year. I wasn't and am still not deaf, but I was missing out on a lot and my grades were suffering. Mom took me to a specialist, I got tested and was told I'd need hearing aids. They fitted me for them and said they'd arrive in a few weeks. Meanwhile, mom took me back to school and gave Mrs. Berman the rundown. You know, so that should would be aware of my hearing, sensitive to it and make the necessary accommodations. That's what any decent teacher would do, yes?

It was around the same time that my third grade crush and classmate, Eric, had also just been diagnosed as hearing impaired himself.

I am not, nor have I ever been a teacher, but I still think I can imagine pretty well what a qualified one would do in certain situations. Mrs. Not Berman probably would have moved Eric and I to the front of the class and not single us out in any other way. Right, right?

A jerk such as, I dunno, Mrs. Berman would probably do something like conduct her own hearing tests in front of the entire class every morning after the bell rang. As luck would have it, she actually was a jerk, that's exactly what she did. Me first, Eric second. I was instructed to walk to the front of the classroom and turn my back to the class. Mrs. Berman stood in the very back of the room and asked questions like, "What color are your pants today?" "What color is my hair?" "What is your favorite food?" When she was satisfied with our answers and our "hearing," she asked us to take our seats and she would continue with that day's lesson. If memory serves, this went on until we were given our hearing aids.

Why did I always get these teachers? Who did I piss off in my last life??